NGram

I find this accusation funny because I am a feminist

How you can be for equality of sexes yet still think one’s benefits are more important than another in a relationship? I’m mansplaining and gatekeeping feminism to a woman on the internet. Wow, you got me, I am definitely an asshole.

I think this lead to me self sabotaging our relationship […]

You also might want to reflect on how all of the things you describe in this paragraph would actually qualify as emotional abuse of your boyfriend, not self-sabotage. This is really dangerous because getting back together with your boyfriend might make you both fall into your old ways, which can include the addiction and the abuse. I hope you’ve recovered enough for that to not happen.

Anyway, I’m going to stop talking before I make more of an ass of myself. Just know that there’s always people you can reach out to if you need help or for a random chat on the internet. I should go to bed. Goodnight.

It sounds like you’ve found a great guy, I can understand why you wouldn’t want to let him go. I hope he sees just as much greatness in you.

I feel by making the small sacrifice of having a sub optimal relationship dynamic I am making it so that for once the good guy wins.

Don’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm, but if this is what you both want then give the relationship dynamic (not the fire thing) a try. I also can’t help but notice that all of your examples of bad people are in the USA – you might find a more optimistic outlook in Europe or in other developed countries.

Everyone knows that men benefit more from relationships then women, I am taking on that burden to make it up to him

Please don’t ever believe this. It’s just internalized misogyny. If you’re in a relationship where you’re giving more than you’re getting, that’s a horrible relationship and you should leave.

Identity and morality are way more heavily intertwined than your reasoning makes it out to be. Rules that maintain group cohesion is part of the group’s identity, but you’ve defined that as morality. For example, the mafia is known specifically for their lack of morality within their ranks and outside of it. Religious communities have similar reputations (e.g. hating minorities, others, etc.).

My biggest objection, though, is the idea that there must be an in-group. That implies that there is an out-group. A stable society is not one where there is inequality in any appreciable amount. People in the out-group will feel like outcasts and will literally fight to become part of the in-group. I don’t think anyone would call (civil?) wars a sign of stability*.

PS If you ask a less leading question you might get less downvoted

* They could be a sign of upcoming stability, though that’s not the same thing.

You need to rebuild that trust that was destroyed by the cheating and the breakup. You should also have a long talk with your boyfriend about any unhealed wounds from that time. If you’re going to make it work, a lot of communication needs to happen and keep happening. It sounds like you made a good first step by identifying part of the reason you cheated and fixing it!

So we are getting back together I remember how much I love him and miss him the past 9 months without him and he is missing me to

I’m a bit concerned about this. These are natural parts of a breakup and really aren’t good reasons to get back together, since it could just as easily be an inability to get over each other. Also seeing your comment in reply to another

Also we don’t want to break up. I have been through so much with him and he has done so much for me. He likewise knows that dating is hard especially where we live it’s not like he has girls sliding into his dms to replace me.

It gets more concerning. It sounds like both of you want to stay together because you don’t want to be alone. A healthy relationship is one that all parties can leave at any moment but choose to stay because they want to. You don’t want it to be like an addiction where you say you can quit anytime but really you can’t because you won’t be able to handle the withdrawal.

I think a healthy mindset for this is that being single is ok. Breaking up will be ok, eventually. I’m not saying you should break up and be single, but just you should be aware that if you’re wondering why you’re putting up with your boyfriend, it’s because he’s adding more than being single (with friends and maybe casual sex) can to your life. If that’s ever not true, run.

Repeating misogyny is still harmful even if it isn’t your own thoughts that are misogynistic

If you’re a bit forgiving with the definition of “Robin Hood”, large open source projects that are sponsored by big corporations.

The money they get from companies is given to (usually underpaid) contributors and to keep the project going, to the benefit of everyone.

You say you’re open source but don’t link to the open source code. Nothing more

Their source code: https://github.com/silexlabs

there’s a lot of mention about being FOSS but they never actually prove it, which is funny to me

I hear Lemmy is pretty good as a sort of forum, maybe you’ve heard of it?

But more seriously, I’ve found that social media platforms (even the fediverse ones) tend to limit connections to surface-level. I personally wouldn’t rely on them to find people to talk to. But if you’re looking for communities who share similar interests, it’s very good at that. If you’re looking for individuals, the next best thing is sliding into someone’s DMs to have a more focused one-on-one conversation. I’d recommend against doing that without some other interaction first (it looks scammy).

In case you want to chat, my DMs are open.

You’re not wrong, but you’ve got a bit of an extreme take on it. I think you and your parents may have different thoughts on what it means to “approach” a woman though. I’m going to use “flirt” to refer to talking to a woman with intent of seeing if they would make a good partner for you and just “talk” to indicate just being friendly with someone.

it is only appropriate for a man to talk to a woman who doesn’t know when the social situation is explicitly designed for meeting strangers

No, it’s fine to talk to strangers of any gender in public. Approaching them and flirting with them is not. As long as you can roughly understand when you’re making someone uncomfortable and stop it, you’re not going to come off as a creep/predator. Stuck in a lineup in a store? Chat with someone beside you, maybe commiserate about how long the line is. If you want to flirt with them, then yes the situations you mentioned are definitely the places to do that.

(sort of an aside: whether “meeting friends of friends” is an appropriate situation to flirt with someone you just met is still situation dependent)

They are adamant that I need to learn to approach women or else I will never find a partner.

Approaching women in random public spaces with the intent of finding a partner is also a pretty bad idea. While it could work, it’s definitely creep/predator behaviour so I avoid it. It’s very likely to make them uncomfortable, since they’re just trying to do their thing not get hit on. This can easily be harassment, though I’m on the fence on whether it’s always harassment.

Personally I like to flip the genders on situations like this and ask if I’d want to be the other person in this situation. It’s worth keeping in mind that woman have way more statistical reasons to be weary/wary of any interaction with men, though. Regardless, e.g. if some woman was beside me in line and started chatting with me, I’d be fine with it. If some woman came up to me and complimented my shirt, I’d be fine with it. If some woman came up to me, complimented my shirt, and then asked for my number I’d be weirded out (I don’t know you, lady). If some woman came up to me and asked me to take out my earbuds to commiserate about how long the line is, I’d be annoyed that I’m missing my music.

What you’re describing sounds a lot like eosinophilic esophagitis which indeed generally cannot be tested with the skin prick test (though the skin prick test can sometimes work, lack of allergens found in a skin prick test does not guarantee that your esophagus will not react to those allergens).

The best option is changing your diet to experimentally narrow down allergens. You can do it somewhat like a binary search though I don’t think medical professionals will recommend that since it can lead to malnutrition. I’ve been recommended to sequentially eliminate common allergens by doctors, which is a safer option.

To address the original question, blood tests for allergens (assuming they work) would have the same limitations as a skin prick test (the flaw of any general test for a localised problem). Though I suspect a blood test would work a lot less well because it’s no longer connected to your immune system, which is responsible for allergy response.