I learned on a 2000 Kia Sephia. Five speed, little four cylinder engine, that shit did not have a tachometer. I had to learn by the sound.

Even when I got into my Vr6 Jetta, or the Nissan spec-v (which had 6 gears) I was able to adjust my driving to the car easily because I first learned with sound. You learn the engine.

Probably try learning using both tbh

It’s fun. Thats good enough reason to learn a manual car.

I also prefer them in snow. Being able to slow your car down without hitting the breaks is awesome when you have to drive in snow.

This isn’t bad advice and is similar to advice given to me when I first started. It’s bad form to leave your hand always on the shifter. I was told it can wear out the linkage faster as your always putting pressure on it.

The first time I pop started a manual car I felt like a god lmao, it’s an awesome feature

I watched my ex drive a manual for over a year. I intently focused on when he was shifting and what not. When I got the car finally for myself, I just got in and went. I had a friend show me how to reverse in the parking lot. I called my supervisor and told her, “I’m driving the kia in today myself, I might be late” and I took my first ride. Made it to work on time, but stalled everywhere I went for two weeks until I got the hang of it. Took a bit longer to get the hang of downshifting.

Dont panic when you stall! You’re just rebooting, keep going!

I was supposed to be childfree. I have c-ptsd from childhood, like my guardian did prison time for how bad of a parent they were.

Of course, I had no support from family as a young adult and found myself in a DV situation at 23. He never hit me, but did all the other standard abusive things. I tried leaving him around the three month mark, but it took me 3 years.

He was hell bent on having a baby. He wouldn’t let me on birth control, nor could I afford it anyway, so we used the oull out method. Until he’d pin me down and just, rape me. My son is my third pregnancy. The first two I was able to discreetly taken care of, by the third pregnancy from this man in a year, I felt guilt, and didnt have the freedom to even go to the doctors on my own. So I kept him.

Got free for real when my son was 14 months old. I dont deal with his father at all. No child support, once he lost control of me it was apparent he wanted nothing to do with the baby he had to have so badly.

My son is 12, with severe adhd and odd, mild conduct disorder.

Ive dedicated my life (giving up my career) to helping my son navigate his emotions and express them in a healthy way so we don’t repeat the patterns of, nearly every male in my and his bloodline. I’m thankful for the behaviorial health field of study.

Sometimes I feel like my kid’s father still has me trapped, especially on bad days. I wont discuss what regrets I have, we just move forward and do better tomorrow than today.

I sure as fuck am not abandoning my kid to the wolves as my family did to me. I wanted to break the cycle the easy way and just not habe kids, instead, I’m doing it the hard way and idk. Im doing it. I love my kid, hes a good kid.

I’d guess young women do this kind of thing more frequently than women whose prefrontal cortex is fully developed.

Some people put expectations on what they want, and then get confused where they can’t find it. Live life with no expectations, and you’re less likely to get disappointed.

This absolutely. I’m a 5’1" lady, and I do like my partner to be taller than me, but basically everyone is taller than me.

If you lined up every man I’ve dated over my lifetime, you’d see men from 5’2" to 6’4".

The right people are there for the person, not shallow bullshit. Hygiene is the best indicator, yes. Good hygiene, nice person, you’ll find success.

When my now husband told me he was 6’3" my jaw dropped. Sure I was happy (he can reach the top shelf for me) but I seriously wouldn’t have batted an eye if he was shorter

Date kind people, not shallow cunts and you should be okay.

I dated one guy who told me he was 5’10". He was kind of a cunt. He was actually 5’7". It just showcased his insecurity. I didn’t like that. Wear yourself with pride. No one choses to be short/tall. Accept yourself and others will too.

We learn from our mistakes don’t we? Hows it go, it’s only truly a mistake if we don’t learn from it.

It’s still your liberation day, and I still wish you the best in finding what you need in life. Love a good fresh start, be kind to yourself out there, stay genuine to your heart.

I know it can be fixed. It takes time for cultures to shift, but there is a solution.

Voice your frustrations, always voice your frustrations. Lead by example and be vulnerable in front of other men. Never silence your voice, I hear you here. Loud and clear.

…the plot thickens lol

“nobody cares about a man’s suffering” This is simply untrue and I can’t take your story seriously after reading this line, it does sound like youve begun to work on some stuff for yourself, but might be some more to go still. I still got shit,

I’ve watched nearly every man in my bloodline go down the shitty, self hating, misogynistic, alcoholic poor me sad life cycle my entire life. It saddens me most that a lot of these guys had/have great parts about them but choose not to work out their demons, go to a therapist or take accountability for their own actions.

It saddens me the most to watch a man go through life feeling alone, ashamed, and unable to talk about how he is feeling. To watch them chose “masculine” coping, ie: drinking beer and whiskey, while making wife bad jokes and watching action movies to drown out the brain noise. I breifly dated a man who told me he didnt like looking in the mirror because he hated himself so much it made him want to punch the mirror, so he just avoided the mirror. He never went to therapy but came home with a six pack of beer everyday from work religiously. It’s fucking sad, and I hope that guy is doing better today.

And to mention, easily a third of the men I have dated/known/or were family, as young boys, were raped. They just stuff it and live with it. No one talks about how often boys are raped by other men, men they are supposed to trust, and they just go on with life internalizing that shit. Its fucked. Dare I say we need a men’s me too? Even one guy I dated at one point told me his adopted father had raped him when he was 12, but it only happened once so he forgave it. They acted like a happy family outside of this. My jaw fucking dropped. Then you see the maladaptive habit, he was the type who didn’t wash his ass because it could make you gay. Everytime I hear someone making a joke about a man who doesn’t wash his ass, I no longer think it’s funny. I think he might have been raped as a child. Imo we need larger discourse about it, because the pattern can repeat. Internalized shame is poisen.

It all feels out of my control so I just try and do what I can for the people close to me. All in all, It’s okay to make mistakes, its okay to be wrong, a lot of people, all people, many of them struggle admitting they were wrong. It’s also not your fault if you were put in a vulnerable situation. It’s not a sign of weakness. A lot of time thats the only ticket to a demon free brain is just accepted its okay to make mistakes and be wrong, and its not your fault if a bad thing happened to you as an actual victim.

No one cares about men’s mental health, that’s ridiculous. I was 13 years old giving my 40 year old alcoholic father pep talks on how to manage his emotions for christsake. Lmao I really thought I could help him then. I could not-

I have always cared, and many other women do too. But no one knows whats going on unless you use your voice. I’ve watched so many men suffer over the years. It pains me as much as anyone elses suffering, if not more because yall don’t build networks for yourself and often it doesn’t feel safe for you to express yourselves, and thats tragic.

I see this rhetoric all the time online and I will fiercely express, I am a woman, and I care. There are others who care too, stop spreading nonsense.

That’s messed up. I can’t stand people who lie, I’m mad for you

Every time I read about male loneliness, see it in my life in other men, I can only relate, as a woman.

I left a DV situation myself, and found no support anywhere. I ended up starting over in a town bout two hours away from where I knew, and it was literally just me and a baby for four years. Some weeks the only conversations I had with another adult were at work, ir standing at a cash register buying something. I had made one friend, but then she had to go and die. I just had no one to rely on or vent to.

One of the hardest times of my life. In '16 I remember messaging my brother, who at this point I honestly think just lost respect for me for being in a DV relationship, so he didn’t talk to me much, we had once been close. I remember asking him to come over one weekend, I had a grill and some food and beers, offered him money for gas as he lived an hour away. He told me weekends were girlfriend time (7 year relationship). So I explained I was really low, and no one I knew in my life had known me more than a year, I just would really like to laugh with somone who actually knows me, like my brother, and be like we used to and have a fun night.

He told me bluntly, he does not feel pity for people and he couldn’t make it. So cold. I cried like you would when a close family member dies.

I’m watched my husband win the battle with his alcohol addiction. He had a low tolerance socializing before, it’s only gotten worse with sobriety. He’s picking up a hobby now, and after four years sober, maybe not making friends, but sharing a hobby with other dudes. I encourage him as much as I can to continue this.

I’ve met many men who keep social, but I’ve also seen many recluse themselves as they age, and it’s nothing new.

I’m a woman, and I have felt gut wrenching loneliness for so many years of my life. My 30th birthday I tried to work overtime, but ended up leaving, going home to an empty house. When you can only spend $15 on frivious things, I chose vodka, cried myself dry on the bathroom floor, alone, for my birthday. No one messaged me. The guy I was dating didnt even know it was my birthday. I’ve had so many friends pass away too young, and yeah, I protect myself from hurt by not putting myself out there. Im greatful for my husband and son. Loneliness may appear in different ways in different genders, And the media may take that to the extremes. But loneliness is a human thing, it is not gendered

Im sorry OP isnt getting support, I for sure know that sucks. But at least you know whats real and whats not now. Fresh starts are liberating. This is your liberation, and a chance to remake your life in the way you want. I wish OP health and happiness

Vibe

The solution is not moving country. God if it were that easy.

I want to add, the fist time i binge ate, i was 8 years old. My guardian had a snack draw, full of all the 90s kid corn syrup you could want. We were to pack two for our lunches each day. My guardian was a severe misogynist, and even at 8, i was angry all the fat boys in media were clowns and funny and liked, and the fat girls were basically conveyed as trolls.

I remember hearing “growing boys need to eat”, and at 8(edit maybe i was 10), i thought, im growing too, why cant i eat? And i ate up that snack draw. It was my first protest to “girls should only eat things they look cute eating”.

I like to think if i had a proper mother maybe that wouldnt have happened. But the mother i had, i saw once a month and didnt eat ant veggies, was thin, but meat and potatoes is all she ever ate, water tasted bad to her and she only drank coffee. She was never a big part of my life. But my misogynist guardian was, and thus began my disorder. “Mayo puts hair on your chest; women are weak and stupid, i dont date fat women” ect I would hear and it would piss me off. I got fat, and i was the “daughter” he didnt rape. It protected me, in a way, but ive a mouth and i wish he would have tried, i could have gotten us kids out sooner.

As a teen hed throw fast food at me and call me names while i was confined to my room, not even allowed out by the end, to use the bathroom.

I have c-ptsd, and now at 37 still fucking stuggle with it. I just wish i could live somewhere walkable, and i miss my 20s when i did live in a place like that.

I did.

I was big growing up because my guardian literally kept me in my room, threw McDonald’s at me and called me a fat bitch. I was allowed to go to school, and go to my room from age 12-16. When he was arrested i lost 60 pounds, gained it back though. Then when i was 21 i lost 80 pounds in 11 months, i worked hard, rode my bike to work.

Then, I got pregnant at 25. Gained for that- but lost it all fast with nursing and maintained healthy weight until the pandemic. I liked hiking, and riding my bike to work, and ate whole foods, i had, had fast food a whole 3 times since i was 21. … until i was 32. My male coworkers ate bk for lunch every day, they were thin, our work was hard (i lifted and packed approx 2000-3000 pounds of material we made a shift), so i started getting Bk too. And i got fat.

The pandemic hit and my now husband got the unemployment, so he ordered restaurant food nearly 5x a week. I left my job to support my kid. I peaked my weight again.

Now, at 37 years old, with a special needs child, no walkability in my neighborhood, and no car (we have one car and he works a lot) to drive to the trails… my son at seven, stopped liking hiking anyway, i find myself stuck in my house. (The last time i took him he literally just layed down in the beginning of the trail and refused to move, its kind of funny now). This also was when hubs was ordering hella food, id get a salad or whatever but fries are just, a god. Anyway

I live a pretty isolated life. I signed up $40/month for a gym with a pool and was swimming last year, but when i only have a one hour window (with the car) to go a day, and the pool schedule being what it was, i stopped going. Excuse? Sure, but i always found it easist to lose weight and exercise when it was baked into my life, and not like, going to the gym, i dont want people to see the fat girl run, even when i was 21 i would run my neighborhood at night so people couldnt see me. But i liked the pool, i just cant get there without a car, which i dont have. My bike is broken, i sont onow how to fix it, and cant afford to, and like i said, you come out my little neighborhood, its immediately highway. I walked with ny son up there one day to try and go somewhere, and someone took a right on red, when we had the crosswalk, and nearly hit us. All you could hear was cars, and smell exhaust- truly aweful pedestrian experience.

Im back on whole foods, but its not really what i eat now, its seditary lifestyle. “So get out there!” One might say, i have highways on two sides of me, and an airport on the other, and a swamp on the otherside. My favorite local grocer is .6 miles from me measured directly through the swamp to the strip mall, you have to take a highway to get there. It’s so frustrating, i would walk. I really would. I struggle to work out on my own, my husband is tall and thin, and hates working out, so im on my own. Thats the hard part. Im keep eating my veggies and whole foods and continue to work on it, since i turned 32 my goal is to get fit again by 40.

My husband got a sword and i was messing around with it, and realized my arms have gotten weak, so just this week i started doing push ups. Or even just trying to hold myself up in that planking position. I work on my binge eating disorder with my therapist because, being alone in the house, with no friends to invite me anywhere, just readig the Internet some mornings, is enough to say, "I don’t care I’m making nachos for breakfast, it doesnt make dishes, i dont feel like cleaning the god damn cutting board and doing dishes. I do em all by hand, and when you cook from scratch, dishes are… plentiful.

Anyway, i know its the best thing. I remember when i could run without getting winded, the energy i had, I refuse elevators and take the stairs at my therapist office, and i get mad im winded when i reach the top. Got tree work to do this week, idk. It’s not that im lazy, my binge really is just fucking nachos, and about six months ago, i decided, even if im binge nachos, i make a portion half what i used to, and double the jalapenos.

Youre preaching to the choir on this.

I support mens health.

Ive a million stories of hurt men who didnt deal or heal well with their hurt, and ended up hurting others (and themselves) for it. Usually its some tragic thing that happened when they were young and never dealt with it, because culturally men have been told to shove it down and man up for decades at least. But, I’ve been told many a tragedy from male family members, friends and ex lovers. And then watched them go from victim to abuser, or some other consequence, and its sad

Men should be taught, and allowed to express themselves. Its literally okay to cry, its a process of emotion.

Support fellow humans

Reading this, specifically had me think of an old friend i had. He was always sceming. Every time i saw him he had a new one. Weather he was stealing company supplies from his employer, so he could start his own landscaping business, or asking me to use my doordash account, or wanting me to help him start a flower business, which i never helped with any of it because i dont agree with lying/cheating through life, while every bit of his life seemed some backdoor plan- I would have dated him, once apon a time, but ten years into the friendship, he sent me a ben Shapiro video, a d a few years ago, i terminated the friendship. Every thing was transactional with that man. He was good looking and kind, but my god these traits were such a turn off, I dont care if you work at hime depot, or the hardware store- my husband today is a chef- its better than scheming to rip someone off so you can get ahead. Thats selfish imo.